The Dark Side of the Moon
Using darkness to light the path to personal transformation
As the light of the sun begins a new solar cycle today at Winter Solstice, it seems ideal to offer a blog from Raising Spirit. To share my learnings from the year, I hope to bring courage, motivation and build awareness for anyone battling their own demons.
Invisible disabilities
Those that know me, have complimented this year by saying – “you look well”. Of course, considering I had brain surgery last year, I do look comparatively well but what can’t be seen are the invisible struggles I have to navigate each day.
My focus for 2022 was to work on myself – mainly due to having no choice. It has been a worthwhile but difficult journey, having to be brave and lean into much pain. Knowing it wasn’t going anywhere and that the only way to handle it was to experience it in the hope I’d come out the other side.
As humans we tend to avoid pain and move towards pleasure… running from difficult emotions by distracting or numbing ourselves – only to discover the feelings are still there.
My ‘looking well’ over the past year has involved but has not been limited to the following:
Insomnia, tiredness & lack of stamina
PTSD & psychological exhaustion treated by hardcore EMDR therapy
Fibromyalgia - muscular / skeletal aches & pains
Hypersensitivity, hyper vigilance, vision & balance issues
Who’s afraid of the dark?
Balanced with hopefulness and a desire and commitment to help yourself, the healing journey of sitting in the darkness is profoundly transformative. The first part of my recovery was physical but the unforeseen psychological aspects of handling the emotional silt that was stirred up due to going through a life changing near death experience has taken equal effort.
To heal you must first endure pain. It is a journey and a choice as to whether we embrace the healing or avoid it. However, the human experience - at either end of the spectrum - leads to a degree of discomfort and it is from this place we can find a chance to grow.
What this year has shown me is that by reaching into discomfort you can find light.
The unpleasant thoughts and feelings which are often avoided in the human experience - due to being labelled as bad - lead to pure alchemy.
Here comes the light
I could not have anticipated the extent to which I would have to work on my recovery following brain surgery. Ramifications ensued across all aspects of my life. Impacting literally every relationship, my livelihood, my parenting, my physical state and abilities and my psychological wellbeing.
What I have learnt is that from being within your pain that healing is possible on levels unseen and intangible. It is possible to transmute discomfort that impacts our wellbeing across all levels, psychologically, physically and emotionally and from this transformative place we grow.
By allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and experience our own darkness we develop and our view and perspective can change allowing for a new expression of ourselves.
As with nature on the winter solstice what comes forth is the light. The key is not in letting darkness overwhelm our lives and our thoughts but in understanding that darkness can be one of the greatest catalysts for personal growth and transformation there is.
On this special day as the year draws to a close and we have extended darkness, I’d like to thank everyone who has been part of my journey or worked with me this year. I wish everyone a magnificent darkest night to transform and find the light.
I urge you -
explore the dark side of the moon
Love Clare x
A new moon
If you live a spiritual life, the new moon is an opportunity for new beginnings. It’s a chance for a fresh perspective and allows you to close the door on matters that are no longer serving you. As a cornerstone to what I practise, establishing a cycle of setting goals, intentions, practicing self-care and focusing on gratitude is essential. It is with this mindset that I have taken the decision to share my story. So that I might close the door on an epic period of my life and along with the moon start anew.
So, this blog is a culmination of a tremendous journey to date with Raising Spirit and marks a fresh start. I also hope it will provide inspiration to those going through their own journeys, that you too can close doors and start again, regardless of what life is throwing at you.
The Luna cycle - Review, Reflect & Revise
In the beginning, Raising Spirit was born in reaction to the situation I faced with my non-neurotypical, SEND (special educational needs), child as a single working mum. My mission became to support others to navigate the emotional pitfalls of the journey and provide a service and information pool to that end. I offered coaching, reflexology and workshops and consulted as part of Harley Street private mental health teams and within other clinics to support families. There is a book which will be available to buy early next year.
Some six years later, the nature of the business has evolved - as life has carried me forward to work with some incredible clients and gain experience both personally and professionally – the time now has called for transformation.
I have been given an opportunity to start a new in life and this is a theme that will be running throughout my work moving forwards. There will be more about the ‘new’ Raising Spirit in due course, for now this is closure on the past and something I feel I need to share so that I can move on.
Meningioma
The prognosis in December 2020 was a slow and painful death or a huge brain surgery that may or may not save my life and could last up to 18 hours with all sorts of risks and horrendous possibilities. The diagnosis came in the middle of the pandemic with my child at home whilst I attempted to home school and struggle through. I was told to write a Power of Attorney and a Will and inform social services. As a single parent to a SEND child, I had a life-threatening diagnosis, the circumstances were dismal and I would undoubtedly need help.
The impact would ripple throughout my life, my relationships, friendships, family, my personal identity, business, parenting and all the rest - of course as is often the case with a SEND child, nothing could have led me to anticipate the social injustice and discrimination that we would encounter.
It has now been 14 months since my world started ‘closing down’. My body was stopping to perform basic tasks and my inner knowing said this is gonna be big!
What I have witnessed and survived is not only sheer agony on all levels but years of deteriorating health on a par with experiencing the declining health of old age but as a 40 year old woman - all my capacities slowly deteriorating – indeed a slow and painful death.
This all simultaneously ran alongside one of the most harrowing mental ordeals a parent could imagine. Not only stuck in the middle of a pandemic, isolated with a life-threatening, deteriorating health condition, I had no provisions in place to care for my son and was systematically gaslit by my local authority. Undisputable social injustice – staggering discrimination and total systemic failure.
I’m sharing this in the context of Raising Spirit in the hope that every piece of information shared and every little step each of us can take to go up against the system and change it for the better will add value somewhere and encourage others to do the same wherever they can.
Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act in the presence of fear – Bruce Lee
Find the courage to fight for what you need
The day of my diagnosis I had received a call from Social Services – the school had referred us based on my pleas for help, I couldn’t perform basic tasks and did not know where to turn. Fast forward 3 months and no help had come. Social worker after social worker, literally hundreds of emails and phone calls and nothing.
The psychological turmoil was insane. How was my child going to be looked after? Let alone would I survive it. What would be the state of me afterwards? It was as if I was living a lie, a strange and surreal reality or was it a joke? The system was not taking me seriously!
With nowhere to turn other than the system for help, my choices were limited and due to the long-term nature of my sons’ complex special educational needs and my health the only answer was to fight for his legal right – to access appropriate care and education.
A patchwork of temporary provisions for my son with friends and relatives was hashed together as a complaint was raised. What ensued was a further 8 months of anguish and stress and continuous admin, upset and torment alongside crushing physical pain and sleep deprivation whilst I attempted to recover from eleven hours of brain surgery. Eventually, we reached Stage 3 of the Statutory Complaints Process, just short of appealing to the Local Government Ombudsman.
Almost one year after surgery, I posted to my Face Book friends: After 14 months of emotional and mental torture at the hands of a system that obstructed the well-being of a child and parent in need, I have been officially compensated with a full apology and the needs of my child finally acknowledged and met.
I had not slept a full night since December 2020 with insomnia exasperated by severe stress in relation to our circumstances which traumatised me and heavily impeded my recovery. The journey I had been exposed to was not only cruel, but pure discrimination, gas lit by the system in place to supposedly help us!
It took an MP, a charity, an advocate, a school with highly specialist therapists, our GP, a paediatric consultant, a neurosurgeon and other independent medical and educational professionals to stand against the system and insist on giving us help. Yet despite all this noise, the system did not prove fit for purpose.
My son was taken into emergency respite residential at his school whilst I was admitted for surgery. Our circumstances were seriously exasperated due to a catalogue of catastrophic systematic incompetence. A factually incorrect and highly concerning Section 17 was issued by the local authority, (now almost 5 months following the original referral) – however its main ambition was clearly to prevent my son accessing the support he needed. A second complaint had to be raised. I was being forced to repeat myself and face humiliation and extraordinary psychological stress repeatedly. At its worst, I was threatened by social services that my child would be taken from me if I could not provide for his needs at home.
An official statutory investigation was initiated by an independent body into the conduct of local authority but by July the process was delayed due to an inadequate response from key staff and managers. This meant yet further protracted rehabilitation for me.
The summer holidays arrived with no plan in place, but I had managed to find the Charity Skylarks - which began advocacy along with my local government MP insisting on support. As a two-prong attack got underway via Skylarks advocacy supporting with the legalities of the EHCP paperwork via tribunal services SENDIST together with the Independent Investigation of the Local Authority’s conduct.
The local authority was found at fault of 45 working days of inaction. However, despite the appalling conduct, the professionals involved still attempted to not uphold the findings. This forced the escalation of the complaint to another panel hearing.
In December 2021, an entire year later at Stage 3 of the corporate complaints procedure the local authority finally conceded on all counts. They were ordered to meet the needs of the child as well as provide continued evidence of improvements to the system and protocols.
Parent Blame Culture
The blame culture that is interlaced within our social services systems is disgraceful. Regardless of the needs of the child being thoroughly documented and my extensive efforts to get help we faced discrimination at every turn.
The fact I was a white educated person who could communicate my child’s needs was against me. It is assumed that people who can fight and communicate do not have any needs and are trying to swindle the system. This was despite full medical reports and evidence of being a single parent with a life-threatening health condition. It was also communicated off the record that as I had expressed a need for my son to access residential care ahead of my diagnosis (which was based on his extensive and complex needs), that I was using the ‘excuse’ of a brain tumour to handily get what I wanted!
This is the extent of the system and the discrimination that exists within it. Not only were my sons needs justification enough for the support he finally now has in place with his EHCP, but the additional impact of my health meant he was in fact at risk and no one did anything about it. Now try to imagine the plight of families and children when someone doesn’t have a voice…
If you read this far, please donate to https://www.skylarks.charity a truly incredible charity for families of SEND children. In addition, for further information about brain tumours the incredible work of https://www.thebraintumourcharity.org/ without which I would not be able to write this blog today. Finally, for parents struggling with EHCPs and the system please contact Amanda Sokell https://www.navigatingneurodiversity.life/
The Power of a Spotless Mind
Turning something dark and heavy and hard into something light and bright and joyful, I’m happy to be offering some of my time to Skylarks to fundraise at their events. In addition, I’m looking forward to taking my experience into Raising Spirit in a positive and fresh new way.
My intention now is to create a space that helps people to build the life they desire. Supporting relational, emotional, and mental health in this view creates a transformative energy that allows for positive experience. Identification with your future rather than your circumstances and past.
Finally, to offer inspiration - if you’d like to start something new and different, using the phases of the moon does not mean you have to believe in magic. Regardless of your faith it is a fantastic way to create a positive mindset, release and let go of what no longer serves or supports you and manifest a positive future.
Look up, look forward and move toward the direction you want to go!
Watch this space..
Peace out
Love Cx
How reflexology & coaching help depression and anxiety
support FOR the entire family using a coupling of coaching & reflexology
Many individuals, adults and children, both typical and non-neurotypical (those with special educational needs) are suffering from anxiety and related issues. With recent news coverage indicating that half of the UK population take at least one prescribed medication, how can coaching and reflexology help?
Coaching may help to clarify exactly what is going on for you, sometimes just verbalising how you are feeling can be helpful. Through coaching you can identify the symptoms and evaluate the measures you might take to help manage it. Anxiety can effect all of us in different ways and there are many symptoms:
What is anxiety?
Some of the most common symptoms include:
Constant and obsessive worrying
Feeling overwhelmed and or wanting to cry all the time
Obsessive and repetitive thoughts
Wildly fluctuating emotions
Difficulty remembering things
Insomnia
Digestive transit issues
Feeling tense and difficulty relaxing
There are many options available and coaching may help to identify which treatment or range of treatments would be most appropriate for the specific individual in question.
A recent NHS survey of more than 8,000 adults shows one quarter of people are on at least three drugs. The survey also suggests rising numbers of people are suffering mental health problems, with a doubling in rates of distress among young men in the last five years. Overall, levels were found to be highest among women aged 16 to 24, with 28 per cent thought to be likely to be suffering from conditions such as depression and anxiety.
Talking therapies can be very valuable and combined with complimentary therapy such as reflexology, there is every chance that the anxiety symptoms can be reduced without the need of medication.
What is reflexology?
Reflexology is a calming and relaxing complementary therapy in which thumb and finger pressure is applied to the feet or hands. Importantly, reflexology is a holistic therapy which means it aims to treat the whole person to provide physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. It is a natural, non-invasive and drug free therapy which may be used alongside traditional medical care to support client health.
It is estimated that around 75% of illness can be attributed to stress. Long term stress can have serious effects on the body such as a less efficient immune system, headaches & migraines, digestive complaints, anxiety, and sleep problems. Reflexology helps to counteract the effects of stress by promoting deep relaxation, improving blood and lymph circulation, relaxing muscles, stimulating nerve pathways, improving sleep and bringing balance back to the body. Reflexology helps your body to achieve its own healthy balance and support the body in its process of self-healing.
A course of Reflexology is a non-invasive way to aid relaxation and manage stress levels to combat anxiety related symptoms. The treatment is profoundly relaxing and over time the patient is able to reach a very deep and relaxed state of being. As the feet work as a mirror of the body a professional reflexologist is able to stimulate each and every organ, muscle, gland and body system in order to work holistically – treating both the symptoms and the cause. In this way Reflexology works the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects and treats the person as a whole. The symptoms are not treated in isolation but holistically to balance the system and help your return to good health and wellbeing.
What is Coaching?
Used as a talking therapy coaching empowers people to find their own solutions to challenges. It is forward thinking and focuses on identifying mindset, beliefs, behaviours, or habits that may not be working and then taking the necessary positive steps to resolve the difficulties. Coaching and Reflexology work very well together and complement each other.
When reflexology is coupled with coaching or another talking therapy (depending on what is most appropriate for the individual), stress is reduced and insights uncovered to allow a greater understanding of the triggers associated with an individuals anxiety and practical measures can be put into place. Hand reflexology for self treatment can also be used in between sessions in order to manage your response to your anxiety symptoms yourself. One technique that many find useful is to develop the habit of working the solar plexus point on the hands from the moment you start to feel anxious.
Specific Reflex Points to Relieve Anxiety
Solar plexus – One of the most valuable reflex points to learn as a means of controlling anxiety symptoms. Working the solar plexus point will enhance feelings of well being, can reduce the sensation of butterflies in your stomach, encourage you to breath slower and deeper and generally calm down all the physical indications of stress.
Head & brain reflexes – Working these can help to control any sense of being overwhelmed, and will encourage clear thinking and a more balanced approach to your problems. Working these areas will also help you to concentrate more effectively and to be less distracted when you are trying to learn or absorb something new.
Stomach – work the stomach reflex areas if your symptoms include nausea, ‘butterflies’ or changes in your appetite.
Small intestines & colon – These are worth concentrating on if you are also experiencing irritable bowel symptoms.
Adrenals – If you have been experiencing anxiety symptoms for some time, then it is likely that your adrenal reflex areas will be quite painful when worked. Working the adrenal reflexes in this way can encourage your adrenal glands to adjust their production of the stress hormones adrenalin and cortisol.
Pineal – The pineal gland is responsible for the sleep-wake cycle of the body. This reflex will help if you are struggling with insomnia or other sleep-related symptoms.
Pituitary – The pituitary reflex is found close to the centre of the big toe. The pituitary gland is one of the most important endocrine glands and is closely linked to the body’s stress response. This reflex point will help reduce any anxiety symptoms as well as help to adjust your body’s response to stress.
